Longing
by dhawthorne
Summary: Minerva McGonagall confesses her love to Albus Dumbledore.  What happens next?  Set just before the first war against Voldemort.  AU.  Please read and review!


Longing

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DISCLAIMER: Anything recognisable belongs to J.K. Rowling. This story is an AU. It is inspired by E. Tani. Tsarcorp's story "Star Cross'd Lovers".

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There had been ripples of unrest spreading through the pool of Wizarding society beginning in the mid 1970's. Whispers reached my ear of a new Dark Lord, one who was rumoured to be greater than Grindelwald. I know that another war is coming upon us – and this may be my last chance to tell Albus what he means to me.

I had fallen in love with him during my time as an Auror – he had begun teaching at Hogwarts the year after my graduation. I was disappointed that I had missed being his student – especially as Animagus training would have been much easier with him as a mentor. However, that had not happened.

I was a member of the Auror group that completed the final assault on Grindelwald. Albus saved my life by using an Unforgivable Curse – the Imperius curse – on Grindelwald. After Albus had cast the spell, I Stupefied Grindelwald, and the war was over.

I had passed all of the credit to Albus – I hadn't done anything, after all, and Albus had saved my life. Without his casting of the Imperius curse, I would have died. At the international banquet celebrating the defeat of Grindelwald, Albus and I danced. As he held me in his arms and twirled me around the dance floor, his light blue eyes drew me in – causing me to fall irreversibly in love.

I walk up to the gargoyle that guards Albus's office. I give the password (_Cauldron Cake_), and step on to the revolving stair. The slow rotation of the staircase increases my nausea at the idea of telling Albus my feelings. I knock at the door three times, as is my custom – but there is no response. Fearing something has gone awry; I push open the door and step into his office. The lights are off, and nothing seems to be amiss. Fawkes is perched on his golden stand, head tucked under his wing as he slumbers. I notice that Albus's bedroom door is cracked, and I tentatively push it open. I see his slumbering form lying on the bed, and he mumbles something under his breath.

I have always been curious (something I attribute to being a cat Animagus), so I step closer to him. He looks so handsome when he sleeps. I kneel beside his head, and I whisper my confession of love to him.

"Minerva," he mumbles disgustedly, "I can't believe you would ever think of me that way! How could you think I would feel like that about you?"

I rush out of the room upon hearing his response, and flee to my own chambers. Everything I had ever dreamed of is gone up in smoke. How can I survive knowing how disgusted Albus is with me? I can't go on. He'll send me away from Hogwarts, I know he will, he'll banish me from the only place I have ever called home.

"Oh, Merlin!" I scream as I finally enter my chambers. Crying, I collapse on the floor. How I longed for Albus to return my feelings! Obviously, though, he never has and never will. There is nothing worth living for anymore.

I Summon my Pensieve and store relevant memories – this is my version of a suicide note. Then I pick up my wand, sit down in my favourite chair, and cast the Killing curse. A flash of green light marks my last action on this earth.

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Albus Dumbledore wakes up from his troubled nightmare of confessing his love to Minerva, only to find out she hates him. He remembers that he murmurs, "Minerva, I can't believe you would ever think of me that way! How could you think I would feel like that about you?"

He wakes up after he hears his door slam. Walking out to his office, he catches a hint of his secret love's signature scent – lilacs with cedar wood undertones. The portrait of Armando Dippet calls out to him, "Albus! Miss McGonagall just ran out of here very distraught – she was sobbing! What's going on? Did something happen?" Albus realised that Minerva was there, she could have heard the last lines of his dream (he did have a tendency to talk in his sleep). Merlin, what has he done?

He rushes down to her chambers to try to explain what had happened.

He is too late.

He finds the body of the love of his life, Minerva McGonagall, fallen back in her favourite chair with her wand loosely gripped in her delicate fingers. Her Pensieve stands on the spindly rosewood end table that had belonged to her great-grandmother.

He has lost her.

Albus never dreamed again – employing either Occlumency or Dreamless Sleep potions – for dreaming did nothing but cause grief.

THE END


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